23 January, 2013

24 Hours

We hear it all the time -
the difference that 24 hours can make in a life.
News, or an event, whether
unexpected or
anxiously awaited
can truly change everything.
google images
Yesterday at this time I was excited,
full of anticipation and energy,
ready to tackle the day's projects.
I felt strong, confident, capable.
I performed my tasks at home and walked
to work with a sure, firm step.
And then, betrayal.
My knee buckled while I was working.
I don't even have an interesting story to tell.
I was simply walking from point A to point B.
There is no tale of derring-do
or athletic prowess gone awry
to chronicle my pain.
There was pain.
A reasonable, manageable pain.
What is unreasonable
is the effect this has had on me.
Yes, prudence would skip my morning workout. 
Skip painting the base cabinets.
But I find myself
to trust the knee with ordinary expectations.
Suddenly I don't feel strong.
Even with the ordinary and inevitable
processes of aging
I've never felt vulnerable or challenged by
a brush with middle-age mortality.
The unwelcome spectre of change or limitation
 has never been an active threat.
Until today.
Even as I write this I recognize a certain level
of over-reaction.
I'm not given to over-reacting.
I'm calm and sensible.
It's only a wrenched knee for Pete's sake!
But most of us - even on our most rational days - look for
the small markers that may signal
a need for attention.
Today I'll adjust my plans
take it easy
probably even drive to work.
 I'll no doubt take an inventory of goals
and reasonable expectations;
make an examination of current routines.
There's a challenge here and I can already
sense a response.  
What do I need to do to safeguard
my expectations?


Valerie said...

Let go of your expectations. Seriously. Stay in the present. Focus on now, this moment. Tune out the voices...the discussants..the angst. Decide to walk or drive to work tomorrow when it is time to decide whether to walk or drive to work based on how your knee feels tomorrow.

Valerie said...

I am on a zen roll. It is our expectations that get us into trouble. No expectations? No trouble.